Crossroads
Where to live? Work or School? Sell it, ship it or chuck it? Sleep or Work? Chicken or Beef? Go visit my future in-laws today? Can I get downtown and back in 45 minutes? What will the centrepieces look like? Can I work that into the budget? UPS or Moving company? Resume or Laundry? Eat or run?
I’ve been overwhelmed with choice lately. Don’t get me wrong. I’m fully and totally aware of the blessings in my life. I am just bogged…wedding planning is hard enough but I’ve got 2 jobs, and am moving my life to California (including schooling and work) that I have to contend with too. I would love for a 30 hr day sometimes.
The worst part is that it really cuts into my devotions, prayer and worship life. Like all, I make excuses too…too tired, too exhausted, too unfocused to even begin. I’m really praying for discipline and more gumption. I know I’m made of tough stuff…just look at my dad. But right now I’ve got nothing left in me and I must fully rely on God otherwise all that’s left of me will be dust.
By the way, some of my kids at church are really killing me (thus the dust)…my heart aches because there is no getting through these hardened hearts right now. Jesus walked away from places he wasn’t welcomed because of hardened hearts. That's pretty scary. Overall it’s been discouraging as a pastor and even harder as an older sister. I feel like I've failed God in a way. Andrew reminds me that we all have free will, a gift that God gave us to use to our discretion...and free willl is not all that it's cracked up to be.
I see a generation (mine and the one below me) that is dangerously comfortable with not pursuing a relationship with Christ. That going to church on occasion is a Sunday thing, a social thing, never a worshipful thing. We have money to make, money to spend, golf games to go work on, social lives to get on with, sleep, drink and be merry, and God really just gets in the way of that enjoyment. This generation comes to church grumbling because of lack of sleep, because they don’t want to stand and hate to sing, or because the lunch being served isn’t to their liking. Yet, we are to come worshiping in Spirit and in Truth. All I find myself praying for is for God to shake things up, rattle us until the very core of our beings tremble and know that He is God. A 40 day and night flood? Fire from heaven? Plagues? His voice coming from a burning bush? Turn us into pillars of salt? Hehehe…I do love all that Old Testament stuff but I know that God can come up with better stuff to rock us…he’s got quite the imagination you know?
We love to be comfortable, we love it when God is convenient for us, we love to be spoon fed and never get in the kitchen ourselves to rummage for the food that our souls need. We need to know that if we don’t work this Salvation out on our knees today, tomorrow will be a much harder day when Jesus comes back to ask, “I’m sorry, Do I know you? Do you know ME?” It’s not harsh, it’s just the truth.
I just pray that God will continue to work through me and kick me in the butt every time I need it. That’s pretty often to be honest but I will be happy to have my rear end kicked than not.
I’ve been overwhelmed with choice lately. Don’t get me wrong. I’m fully and totally aware of the blessings in my life. I am just bogged…wedding planning is hard enough but I’ve got 2 jobs, and am moving my life to California (including schooling and work) that I have to contend with too. I would love for a 30 hr day sometimes.
The worst part is that it really cuts into my devotions, prayer and worship life. Like all, I make excuses too…too tired, too exhausted, too unfocused to even begin. I’m really praying for discipline and more gumption. I know I’m made of tough stuff…just look at my dad. But right now I’ve got nothing left in me and I must fully rely on God otherwise all that’s left of me will be dust.
By the way, some of my kids at church are really killing me (thus the dust)…my heart aches because there is no getting through these hardened hearts right now. Jesus walked away from places he wasn’t welcomed because of hardened hearts. That's pretty scary. Overall it’s been discouraging as a pastor and even harder as an older sister. I feel like I've failed God in a way. Andrew reminds me that we all have free will, a gift that God gave us to use to our discretion...and free willl is not all that it's cracked up to be.
I see a generation (mine and the one below me) that is dangerously comfortable with not pursuing a relationship with Christ. That going to church on occasion is a Sunday thing, a social thing, never a worshipful thing. We have money to make, money to spend, golf games to go work on, social lives to get on with, sleep, drink and be merry, and God really just gets in the way of that enjoyment. This generation comes to church grumbling because of lack of sleep, because they don’t want to stand and hate to sing, or because the lunch being served isn’t to their liking. Yet, we are to come worshiping in Spirit and in Truth. All I find myself praying for is for God to shake things up, rattle us until the very core of our beings tremble and know that He is God. A 40 day and night flood? Fire from heaven? Plagues? His voice coming from a burning bush? Turn us into pillars of salt? Hehehe…I do love all that Old Testament stuff but I know that God can come up with better stuff to rock us…he’s got quite the imagination you know?
We love to be comfortable, we love it when God is convenient for us, we love to be spoon fed and never get in the kitchen ourselves to rummage for the food that our souls need. We need to know that if we don’t work this Salvation out on our knees today, tomorrow will be a much harder day when Jesus comes back to ask, “I’m sorry, Do I know you? Do you know ME?” It’s not harsh, it’s just the truth.
I just pray that God will continue to work through me and kick me in the butt every time I need it. That’s pretty often to be honest but I will be happy to have my rear end kicked than not.
Comments
Happy that He's kicked you a bit tho cause He knows no one else can seeing how stubborn you are! =)
love always
Kris