Flight of the Bumblebee
I am only able to write from my office desk right now thanks to Spring Break.
Our after-school program which I've been heading up is on Spring Break with the kids and I couldn't be more happy. I mean, I am definitely still up to my neck in stuff but it's a break from the schedule that makes me feel much like a drone. Monday-Friday, 10-6pm I am worrying about details concerning the students and the program. In the evenings, regular church programming stuff. I'm usually getting home between 9-10pm. On the weekends, extra church programs that get thrown my way. On Sundays, running all the regular church services, sermons, praise, Bible studies, etc.
I have been neglectful of my studies, letting all these other things come first. I feel super sorry to Andrew because I think it's been over a month since I've last cooked him a meal. I am lucky to have a husband who is so loving because he knows how tired and ragged I am and even when I offer to make him something, he declines sympathetically so that I can have a bit of a break.
Unfortunately this spring break has been more about seeing what I've let myself become - a drone. I mean, I'm even sending all my laundry out to be done by someone else because I have no time to do it (how American can I get?)! I've mentioned this to my pastor. The response was hurtful. Apparently, I'm not doing enough. Apparently, I am too selfish asking for more time off during the week which is actually owed to me in my work contract. Apparently, I need to think more about the church. Apparently I don't have my priorities right. These comments have stung deep.
During this break, I've realised I'm doing nothing for myself. I'm letting my schooling suffer and letting my relationships suffer. My priorities are to do God's work but I am no good to Him like this. Does God want that for me? I'm thinking no but I'm waiting for the big guy to also let me know that.
There's been a big motherly huge bumble bee bumping into my window in front of my office desk. It has tiny, thin and puny wings which are carrying what looks to be a lot of weight. I feel very sympathetic to this bee. I feel like my weight is too much for these wings but somehow I'm frantically flapping and staying afloat. Trying to find delight and joy in the Lord amidst the weariness. I know Satan attacks when we are isolated, emotionally and physically drained. Please pray for me.
Our after-school program which I've been heading up is on Spring Break with the kids and I couldn't be more happy. I mean, I am definitely still up to my neck in stuff but it's a break from the schedule that makes me feel much like a drone. Monday-Friday, 10-6pm I am worrying about details concerning the students and the program. In the evenings, regular church programming stuff. I'm usually getting home between 9-10pm. On the weekends, extra church programs that get thrown my way. On Sundays, running all the regular church services, sermons, praise, Bible studies, etc.
I have been neglectful of my studies, letting all these other things come first. I feel super sorry to Andrew because I think it's been over a month since I've last cooked him a meal. I am lucky to have a husband who is so loving because he knows how tired and ragged I am and even when I offer to make him something, he declines sympathetically so that I can have a bit of a break.
Unfortunately this spring break has been more about seeing what I've let myself become - a drone. I mean, I'm even sending all my laundry out to be done by someone else because I have no time to do it (how American can I get?)! I've mentioned this to my pastor. The response was hurtful. Apparently, I'm not doing enough. Apparently, I am too selfish asking for more time off during the week which is actually owed to me in my work contract. Apparently, I need to think more about the church. Apparently I don't have my priorities right. These comments have stung deep.
During this break, I've realised I'm doing nothing for myself. I'm letting my schooling suffer and letting my relationships suffer. My priorities are to do God's work but I am no good to Him like this. Does God want that for me? I'm thinking no but I'm waiting for the big guy to also let me know that.
There's been a big motherly huge bumble bee bumping into my window in front of my office desk. It has tiny, thin and puny wings which are carrying what looks to be a lot of weight. I feel very sympathetic to this bee. I feel like my weight is too much for these wings but somehow I'm frantically flapping and staying afloat. Trying to find delight and joy in the Lord amidst the weariness. I know Satan attacks when we are isolated, emotionally and physically drained. Please pray for me.
Comments
pun intended
hope you are smiling now! =D
love you and praying for you always.